Wired to Worry

My friend, Janice, on our morning walk around the neighborhood: "How're you doing?" Me: "Good, except I seem to be in worry mode overtime these days." Janice: "Me, too."And we started to talk about how, when, and why we worry so much, and what we worry about.

I realized a long time ago that I am "wired to worry." Fifteen years ago, when I was changing careers, I took some time for myself to rest, sort things out, and explore other career paths. I noticed during this time of R&R just how much I could find to worry about, even though there wasn't anything to worry about. This was how I discovered my need to worry. I'd catch myself perseverating (great word, isn't it?) over the smallest, silliest stuff. It didn't matter that life was easy at the moment. I would find things to fret about. I was good at it.

Janice said she could identify totally with this need to find things for the mind to latch onto. She's the one who postulated that maybe certain humans are "wired to worry." I love this idea (that maybe I'm wired that way), because it helps me put all my worry into perspective, even the thoughts that seem to warrant worry. Is this just me needing to worry about something, I ask myself?

Does anything warrant anxiety? Does worry help? Probably not. I think I would rather be centered and interested and maybe even fascinated with what is, rather than worried about it. My guess is that I will make better decisions if those decisions are guided by center and not by fear and apprehension.

So I breathe in and honor my worried self, my reactive self, my caring-too-much-and-wanting-to-get-it-right self. You will always be with me, I think. And I am grateful for the caring part and the wanting to get it right part. I see how the worry shows up as an extension of something I appreciate about me.

As I acknowledge and (yes) honor my worry, I can exhale it for now, knowing it will return, and knowing we may eventually become friends. Yes.

Judy Ringer