I just got off the phone with co-blogger Judy Warner. Besides writing our Journey to Center Blog, we do occasionally get to talk and see each other in person. The conversation over, I began to think about how easy it is in our email-centered culture to forget the importance of the physical voice. It was lovely to hear the the familiar lilt and laughter that is Judy W. And to receive more of the 90% of communication that is left out of email, the non-verbals that are so important in forging and growing good relationships.
Last month, my sister Susan visited with her husband and just-turned-21-daughter Sarah. We had a wonderful family time together, and when Susan left I missed her terribly for a while. I sat down and wrote her a letter, a real snail mail letter, on a pretty card and sent it off. Last week I got a real letter back from Susan on beautiful notepaper, the envelope hand-addressed. It made my day.
I have another sister who doesn't use email at all, and at first I saw this as an inconvenience. Now I appreciate the fact that when I want to communicate with her I have to send her a card or call her on the phone. I love talking to her and receiving her letters.
I used to write letters all the time. Am I really so busy that I can't do that anymore? And while email is fast, it's no substitute for hearing someone's voice on the other end of the phone.
Email is an amazing invention. It saves time and connects us in ways that we couldn't have imagined ten years ago. I think what I'm suggesting here is that we use it intentionally, that we also understand what it cannot do, and that we not forsake the power of the human voice and written word.
Good ki!
Judy Ringer
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Positive Thinking versus Positive Psychology
Once again, a tweet from friend Mark Walsh, lead me to some material that prompted this blog entry. An article by Oliver Burkeman in The Guardian discusses positive psychology versus positive thinking. Mr. Burkeman questions the efficacy of positive thinking and suggests that it is positive psychology that is being validated in mind/body research.
According to Burkeman, "The field of positive psychology, now 10 years old, has revolutionised the study of the mind, thanks to a simple shift in perspective – from focusing almost exclusively on mental disorders, as psychologists had done for decades, to examining the causes of ordinary happiness and "flourishing".
What fascinated me in the article was the discussion of happiness, a topic studied extensively in positive psychology. When contemporary positive psychologists talk about happiness, they aren't talking only about positive mood. Martin Seligman, the University of PA professor often cited as the founder of positive psychology, identifies, three distinct types of happiness. First, there's the "pleasant life", which is what the critics of positive psychology are usually targeting. Second, there's the "good life", which Seligman describes as "knowing your highest strengths and values, and using them all the time". Finally, there is the "meaningful life… using your strengths in the service of something larger than yourself".
Where this leads to is the idea that happiness often results from experiences that are not all joy, but that, often only in retrospect, we realize generated positive impact in our lives. And, that the path to happiness entails both knowing yourself - both strengths and weaknesses - and living a life where service plays a role. As early as the 1980's, Tom Crum was writing in The Magic of Conflict about the importance of service for a fulfilled life.
Oliver Burkeman writes that this perspective is particularly relevant in today's current economic recession where so many have lost jobs and found their retirement funds devalued. I agree. It also brings to mind my experiences traveling in some of the rural areas of India where poverty was great but so many of the people possessed a true joy.
Lots of food for thought - have a great day!
Judy Warner
According to Burkeman, "The field of positive psychology, now 10 years old, has revolutionised the study of the mind, thanks to a simple shift in perspective – from focusing almost exclusively on mental disorders, as psychologists had done for decades, to examining the causes of ordinary happiness and "flourishing".
What fascinated me in the article was the discussion of happiness, a topic studied extensively in positive psychology. When contemporary positive psychologists talk about happiness, they aren't talking only about positive mood. Martin Seligman, the University of PA professor often cited as the founder of positive psychology, identifies, three distinct types of happiness. First, there's the "pleasant life", which is what the critics of positive psychology are usually targeting. Second, there's the "good life", which Seligman describes as "knowing your highest strengths and values, and using them all the time". Finally, there is the "meaningful life… using your strengths in the service of something larger than yourself".
Where this leads to is the idea that happiness often results from experiences that are not all joy, but that, often only in retrospect, we realize generated positive impact in our lives. And, that the path to happiness entails both knowing yourself - both strengths and weaknesses - and living a life where service plays a role. As early as the 1980's, Tom Crum was writing in The Magic of Conflict about the importance of service for a fulfilled life.
Oliver Burkeman writes that this perspective is particularly relevant in today's current economic recession where so many have lost jobs and found their retirement funds devalued. I agree. It also brings to mind my experiences traveling in some of the rural areas of India where poverty was great but so many of the people possessed a true joy.
Lots of food for thought - have a great day!
Judy Warner
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Being Victims
Tom Crum's latest book, Three Deep Breaths, is published by Berrett Koehler Publishing. It is a great company that publishes some really meaningful books and makes a real effort to support their authors. As part of that effort, they have created a blog that features their various authors and books.
A recent post by author Noah Blumenthal definitely rang true for me. Noah is the author of Be the Hero: Three Powerful Ways to Overcome Challenges in Work and Life. In his book he points out that to become heroes we need to realize that we're often trapped in a cycle of victimhood that only encourages passivity and inaction. The truth is that no one makes us victims, we do it all ourselves. For the B-K blog, he wrote about five ways we make ourselves victims without even realizing it. Here is the first item on his list, check out the BK blog for the rest:
1. We let other people own our emotions. “He makes me so mad.” “It’s her fault I feel this way.” No one forces you to feel anything. Whether or not you realize it those feelings are still your choice. Other people have their own issues to work out, and sometimes those issues lead them to push you toward anger or misery. If you accept their push you are making yourself a victim of their action instead of the hero in this story.
Enjoy!
Judy Warner
A recent post by author Noah Blumenthal definitely rang true for me. Noah is the author of Be the Hero: Three Powerful Ways to Overcome Challenges in Work and Life. In his book he points out that to become heroes we need to realize that we're often trapped in a cycle of victimhood that only encourages passivity and inaction. The truth is that no one makes us victims, we do it all ourselves. For the B-K blog, he wrote about five ways we make ourselves victims without even realizing it. Here is the first item on his list, check out the BK blog for the rest:
1. We let other people own our emotions. “He makes me so mad.” “It’s her fault I feel this way.” No one forces you to feel anything. Whether or not you realize it those feelings are still your choice. Other people have their own issues to work out, and sometimes those issues lead them to push you toward anger or misery. If you accept their push you are making yourself a victim of their action instead of the hero in this story.
Enjoy!
Judy Warner
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Emotions and Conflict
A friend sent me this link from Forbes.com about "How To Effectively Resolve Conflict," an interview with Daniel Shapiro, director of Harvard's International Negotiation program and co-author of ''Beyond Reason, Using Emotion As You Negotiate.''
It sheds light on the conflict between Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge, MA police Sgt. James Crowley. I found it helpful (though now past tense) in identifying how emotions can help or hurt the negotiation process.
Good ki,
Judy Ringer
It sheds light on the conflict between Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge, MA police Sgt. James Crowley. I found it helpful (though now past tense) in identifying how emotions can help or hurt the negotiation process.
Good ki,
Judy Ringer
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